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Alfonz is all:
Daily Tip:
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| You're not trying hard enough |
| 09.30.04 (6:20 pm) [edit] |
I'm not fucking trying hard enough?! How am I not trying hard enough???!?
Ild like to see you try, hmmm yep want me to make a list?!? 3 years or so living in awe of someone however misguided that was, then a month of we are/we arnt games and just about amount to on/off sex buddies. Then when I, ME, was finally in a happy relationship, my first relationship for a fucking year. What do you do?! You screw that up for me as well by emotionally blackmailing (though its partly my fault for falling for it in the first place) me with your misguided (grrr misguided mood today) words of love, which as much as you said, i dont believe were ever true and I like to apologize to fran here because I wish now that i'ld never lost you, you were a much better friend all the time than she has been over the last 3 years especially the last few months. So then what? We start going out would is our collective oyster. Were happy together. Well that didnt last huh? 6 weeks and then what?! " I never meant what I said", "Oh what from the start?", "No", "Well then, was it an overnight thing", "?" Oh wait heres the best part after all that how long before you get together with your "soul mate" like 2 days.... I really loved hearing how loud you were (sorry, are) in bed together as well. And Then, And Then you say this...
[22:19:35] AlfonzSays- : no you dont im just not comfortable around you ok not irritated
[22:19:43] (r)ooooooooo: ok
[22:19:46] (r)ooooooooo: i understand
[22:19:55] (r)ooooooooo: i wont bother u anymore
[22:19:59] (r)ooooooooo: i promise
[22:20:01] (r)ooooooooo: bye
[22:20:07] AlfonzSays- : dont be like that
[22:20:16] (r)ooooooooo: how else am i supposed 2 be?
[22:20:22] (r)ooooooooo: all u do now iz ignore me
[22:20:37] AlfonzSays- : its easier to talk to like this ok
[22:20:44] (r)ooooooooo: y?
[22:20:50] AlfonzSays- : you not having to be face to face with you
[22:20:51] (r)ooooooooo: coz u dont hav 2 look at me?
[22:20:57] AlfonzSays- : yea so i dont have to
[22:20:59] (r)ooooooooo: fine
[22:21:09] AlfonzSays- : but dont blank me im trying ok
[22:21:19] (r)ooooooooo: obviously not hard enough
NOT HARD ENOUGH?! JESUS CHRIST, im surprised im still alive with all the complaining you do about things to me to be trying "not hard enough". I really only have one question, you obviously dont want me, so do you want to control me? or dont you want me to be happy? or do you just not want anyone else to have me?
Anyway, like ive said before you won you are definately more like J.D than me.
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| This is for the...bored |
| 09.29.04 (3:54 pm) [edit] |
Well I think therefore I am bored. :roll: . Grrr I dont really have much to say cos im 2 tired and im not really in a conversational mood. I guess ill try and think something up tommorrow. Im kind of toying with the idea of getting a new moblog too. [LINE]
Ears: Somewhere across Forever, Stellastarr*
Eyes: Gonzo!!
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| Ooooh shiny |
| 09.28.04 (7:04 am) [edit] |
You know i've always secretly wanted to say that. I mean I don't know why exactly but i have. It just sounds fun.
Ahh well how did I start the day, well with much unhilarity thats how. Saw liz and jason outside school, hypocritical but get a room especially when i have to walk past you to go to school.
Well the rest of the day was fun i guess sociology was ok. Hmmm kinda worried about some people every1 is seeming more introspective than usual. I think everyones kinda hitting a low at the same time. Not good. [LINE]
Ears: My Coco, Stellastarr*
Eyes: Muted MTV2
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| It takes my pain away |
| 09.25.04 (5:14 am) [edit] |
I know, a bit over the top. It's actually a song lyric so there. It's just when you hear a song and it just fits perfectly with your life at that time. You know what I mean? And I was going to edit or delete my last post but now I think about it I'm not going to. Why should I? Its my feelings, why censor them. [LINE]
Ears: Pain, Jimmy eat world
Eyes: Some making the movie thing
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| Don't I have a home to go to? |
| 09.24.04 (6:29 am) [edit] |
Yes, yes but thats basically all i have. Its funny I was saying today that I wasn't so bad that i felt i had to go all "fuck fuck fuck fuck, i hate lifeness" but then in a split second I did the worst thing i could do.
Be paranoid.
Just 5 seconds in the common room it took, i mean for all i know she could have said something completely innocent. But im paranoid. It makes me wonder what exactly the last summer actually meant... and yea i lied of course, i was upset. You don't get over being upset to the point of tears and burns in a few days now do you? But i guess you would know that huh? Same thing happened to you over me huh? Whatever. All I know is I gave up alot of things for that such as a happy relationship and maybe more trivially the Circa Circus. I could have had something great going if not for the emotional blackmail of you "loving" me. Makes me wonder i you just never want to see me with anyone or liking anyone but you. I can tell you now thats exactly the opposite of what you accomplished doing this. Oh and my pride as well. "yea, this is really gonna work" i thought to myself, why did noone stop me? So i hope you don't wonder why exactly were not on speaking terms at the moment. Wouldn't want to cause you any trouble now. Makes me happy i have karate today. I can take out some stress on something. Oh thanks for the pendant btw.
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| Really too tired but... |
| 09.21.04 (12:17 pm) [edit] |
who cares? I have to blog tonight anyway because nikki and laura and hannah and i were having a 4 way "discussion" about lack of frequency in blogging so here you go.
First thing, hmmm why be you haterizing on big green blue you lot? Leave them all alone lol! They do some good covers and the newer songs sound almost ordinary boys in existance if that makes sense,
Next thing, fiona of bgb also presented me a dilemma, "go buy the stellastarr album", she said. "I would like to I said but money constraints and I already have antics on order", I say (while waiting for mrs airey to turn up for the second of our double lessons in sociology, how fun!) So i ask you, should I buy the stellastarr* album (well its more like should I buy it tomorrow or in a month or so cos i will buy it).
Ahh I wish I had musical talent..... ooooh and I might have won free entry to a load of evolved addict gigs. :P :D [LINE]
Ears: Jenny, Stellastarr*
Eyes: Eastenders???!?
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| ooooh 2000 |
| 09.15.04 (12:44 pm) [edit] |
Well I probably said this before sometime but i got 2000+ views. Yay! And I'm listening to The Clash. And now I have to go and do my sociology and philosophy. Boooo! And mourn my loss of love/social life. [LINE]
Eyes: The news?!
Ears: White Riot, The Clash
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| Atheism is a non-prophet organization |
| 09.14.04 (12:31 pm) [edit] |
Haha shamelessly stolen from The Image Quiz. Guess the google search term!
Well I had a fun day, if tiring. Must remember fill out Take note application form. I'll take one in for becca and laura tomorrow i guess. Well I'm tired so I'm going bye! [LINE]
Eyes: Red Dwarf
Ears: The Clash!!
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| Scary last blog entry |
| 09.12.04 (11:32 am) [edit] |
Well I just guess i got to do it earlier than everyone else. You know almost whirlwind romance about 3 months of it. It was fun and i think it was good for us, i think neither of us knew it would last thats why it worked so much better when we wernt going out.
It was (almost) consequence free. but that doesnt need to be mentioned. to anyone. Some people know what i mean.
I mean to start with i tricked myself into thinking we would live happily ever afta for the rest of sixth form and the say a teary goodbye, (actually saying that i still expect a teary goodbye for other reasons).
Yea but about halfway through I knew we wouldnt then I just started to wait for it and then I wanted it to happen. I wanted to get back to either, a no commitment state between us or single. It just doesn't work for us. I'm too protective and jealous and she's too flirtatious and outgoing. If we wernt b/f and g/f, then none of that had to come into it anymore.
Where's the next willing victim.
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| Ohmigod! Ohmigod! |
| 09.12.04 (1:06 am) [edit] |
Nadia impression there. I am so happy and sad at the same time because i've just discovered the take note events that are happening at the brewery next month and because im really lazy im just gonna steal the discription from Papscene.com (oh im sure dave won't mind)
These 2 events take place on Wed 20th and Thurs 21st October, 7-11pm, and round off a day of talks, discussions and one-on-one clinics with music professionals, including representitives from EMI and BMG
It's times like this I really wish I had musical talent and was in a band. I'm just really happy about the level of support the whole cumbrian music scene is getting right now, we've come from a few band nights a year and selling demos at gigs to a dedicated monthly venue and a record shop that stocks local demos at about the same rate as cd singles (ok exaggeration i know). It's like one of my friends said in English language to me, "I'm just gonna be friends with all the bands cos one of them IS gonna make it big"
And the bad thing? I have school those days!! Arrrrrgh! But i can still go to the free showcases afterwards i guess which are kindly provided by Cumbrio and Spearhead. Must go [LINE]
Eyes: Rock Show, Blink 182
Ears: Same thing duh
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| Gravity |
| 09.09.04 (11:32 am) [edit] |
Mmmm I'm falling in love with that song. I know I'm probably a bit late on this kind of thing what with being on holidays and etc but it is so great.
Well best day of the week, thursday. Almost the end and i have three yes 3 count em 3 free periods today. That's like over half my time at school today was all for myself!!
But to be serious for a moment, I think sixth form is really helping with well my entire organisationalness. Maybe its the lack of uniform or maybe its the fact im doing subjects I enjoy but I am trying really hard at this. I'm even taking a whole new AS in English Literature off timetable!
So what did I do today? Well first period, I lounged to quote Dogs Die in Hot Cars until I saw english teachers and deputy headteachers to talk about my new AS. Then I sat with liz while she was waiting to get taken home cos she was being sick well alot. It's times like that when I find it just impossible to be mad at her for anything shes every done. Then well the day blurred and I learnt about Marxism and Functionalism. Another thing, I seem to be reading more at the moment I'm reading 1984 by George Orwell which if you havn't heard of is a dystopian view of a very marxist society that alters the past to change the views of its people. Very dark. Anyway g2g must sleep etc. [LINE]
Eyes: Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (Shaun of The Dead et Spaced which rock btw) guide to Los Angeles
Ears: Gravity, Embrace
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| Do I have to?! |
| 09.08.04 (12:59 pm) [edit] |
Yes yes you do you do have to blog!
But I want to relax and ahem 'sleep'.
Well you can't yet.
Grrrr.
Ethics even hurt my brain today. And some people are very over politicising it all. Oh and apparantly my whole philosophy class has it in for me. It seems everyone is going to counter every argument i make. Oh I don't care anyway... Just you wait till im head boy...lol [LINE]
Ears: Elevation, The Open
Eyes: Dirty Sanchez Martial Arts Special !!
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| Memories of Results Day and Leeds |
| 09.05.04 (11:24 am) [edit] |
Well I've just realised that due to the last week of liz-badness (yes i did just invent that extra cool word), i've totally forgotten to enlightend ppl on my 26th to 31st of august 2004.
Well on the week ending 29th August I had:
10.5 GCSE passes (8.5 A*-C)
Double Science AA
English Literature A
English Language B
Business Studies B
French B
Maths B
IT C
RE C (short course)
Drama D (going to contest this one)
Tech E (not going to contest this one!)
One PADI Open Water Diver Qualification
One Leeds Festival 2004 Weekend Wristband...
...and False confidence in my then current relationship. Well that didn't last long at least.
Week ending 5th September 2004 gained:
GCSE's and Diving things as above
16 years of life experience
Ability to legally have sex
Ability to legally smoke
Ability to drink alcohol with a pub meal
About £150 plus pounds in the bank
Status as a student of further education...
...and no confidence at all in my now not current relationship.
But much confidence in myself. Mmmm ladykiller of KKS lower sixth? Maybe not but close...
Oh and one thing i don't know if you read this at all liz but i don't really see ourselves being that close for now, if we ever are as close as we were this summer again. I think we just don't really work as friends too well when one of us is in a relationship as was proved with me and fran.
We seem to be each others singleness support system I guess. Anyway feel free to comment on similar situations if occured.
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| Pins and Needles |
| 09.04.04 (4:22 am) [edit] |
Ha Ha am still not using the new blog engine, kapow b3ta version! It doesn't work in firefox god dammit!!!!
Well you finally accomplished it liz. In the place where you would think my poor broken heart is from our painful break up wednesday, is well nothing. It's empty, kaput, numb, you know feels like pins and needles, something that used to be there but isnt anymore.
So if anyone happens to feel like going out for a drink sometime you know?! :wink: Watchout KKS Yr 12 Girls lol yes that does sound scary and will be twisted by someone eventually. [LINE]
Eyes: Green Wing (just surreal) Why do bees hum? Because they can't apply deodarent!
Ears: Jenny Was A Friend of Mine, The Killers
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| Chewing Gum |
| 09.02.04 (1:33 pm) [edit] |
Well my first blog entry for how long? You can count im not going to I have more important things to do in my life...
Like go to sixth form! wow now im like an official half student wooo. But its not all been good this week, many bad things have happened, the libertines album was late at circa (but it got there eventually was totally the suppliers fault), yasmin is leaving im gonna see her for the last time in ages tomorrow.
Oh and there was the little hitch of me and liz splitting up.
I really don't have much to say about this now really I mean yesterday when it happened I was actually pretty upset but today nothing. I mean really nothing. It just feels empty you know, maybe this was the kick I needed to finally rid myself of ::someone suggest play on liz's name as medical disorder::. To be honest I feel sorry for her I mean if as she said herself she can fall out of love like she said in less than a month then she either has a very short attention span or has problems. Tsk and it would have been our unofficial 3 month mark (from when anything first happened) or our official 1 1/2 month mark. Well liz good luck with huever it is you like, im pretty sure it was a 5 lettered name but saying that im sure you won't want me to mention it.
Oh and hel and gil, im pretty sure you dont read this blog but leave liz alone for it ok? It's my problem and miraculously i've recovered.
Oh and the name of my blog today? Well its referenced to a song that i read about a few weeks ago yet only heard today and its coincedently called chewing gum. It's by annie and i know what your thinking well one of either two things, either bandwagon hopper to which i reply meh, i dont care i like the song. or lee why oh why its pure pop, to which i reply but my padowan learner, isn't pop music just a guilty pleasure for us all? Also when I listen to the lyrics it reminds me of a certain someone, no prizes for guessing who. Anyway i may just add a leeds post eventually just am tired now ok? Don't ask too much of me! [LINE]
Eyes: Friends
Ears: Can't Stand Me Now, The Libertines
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16 year old male sixth form student, brown hair, blue eyes Pretty eclectic taste in music just not r'n'b and the rest you'll have to learn by reading my blog
E-Mail Me mekaulay@bluebottle.com
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